Worked example

Have a go at rewriting this very informal letter in your notebook.

It’s intended to be sent to an external stakeholder group that you don’t know very well. Give it a more formal, informative and professional tone.

Hiya. We’re really pleased to hear that this project we’ve started is having a good impact on the way the NHS treats it’s staff. That’s really amazing to hear, isn’t it! Anyway, like I said, the project is having a really great impact, especially around retention. And we know retention is super important because, you know, we need to make sure we keep hold of staff. What I’m trying to say is that we’re going to carry on as we are. Do you agree? If you do, tick yes. Love Joe. x

In the comments area below, reflect on two of the words or phrases you decided to change and how you decided to alter them. Then take a look at our suggested version.

Suggested version

I am writing to update you on the progress the NHS People Team have made in improving the working conditions for NHS staff, following the establishment of the People Practices Working Group in June 2019. You will wish to note the particular success the group has had in improving the rate of retention for all staff groups, a key priority identified in the Long Term Plan. This note sets out next steps and seeks your approval for the programme of the working group over the next year.