Incivility is different for each of us. Some don’t like to hear bad language, some don’t like shouting. In general terms, incivility is belittling behaviour, being treated rudely or disrespectfully. It can also be gossiping, being ridiculed or excluded or being subjected to jokes or teasing that go too far. There is no complete checklist, so it’s important to ask yourself: how would I expect to be treated or spoken? And to ask others: what’s important to you in the way others treat you?

Managing with kindness is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Yes, it’s about showing kindness to all staff, but also understanding each member of your team as to which communication style they like and what works for them. Sometimes you may need to be assertive, particularly now under Covid-19, but that’s not the same as letting the pressure deteriorate and stop you from being a kind, professional manager. If you do get it wrong – verbally or non-verbally, remember to say sorry.

Apart from the behaviours associated with incivility, look for signs of irritability, anger, upset, jumpiness, numbness or lack of concentration amongst your team. Instances of incivility effect people in different ways. Some people get angry whilst others go quiet. Know your team and look for changes.

Civil workplaces provide better job satisfaction and improved mental health. Staff absences are lower and there is less burnout and stress. Civility also builds trust in managers and improves patient satisfaction and outcomes. It is clear – civility works. Next in this guide, we look at specific skills to help manage incivility.