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Resilience, real life and advice for managing the unknown

Have you ever had advice that goes something like this;

  • Do whatever we can to keep the pain out. Perhaps removing ourselves from all painful situations that come our way,
  • Be more positive in our outlook then everything will be OK,
  • Look for the silver lining in the problems we face,
  • Knuckle down and throw ourselves into working harder, get on fixing the issue through applying more energy not emotion?

Q. What is the approach in these offers of help?

Q. How do you feel when given this type of advice?

11 replies on “Resilience, real life and advice for managing the unknown”

  • Q. What is the approach in these offers of help?


    Seek to: Take responsibility. Maintain perspective. Reframe the issue. Beware of cognitive distortions. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.

    Q. How do you feel when given this type of advice?

    But nothing will change. Working harder may mean the hole is being dug deeper. Don’t deny the problem. Seek to define it. Share it. Talk about it.

  • This type of advice I tend to ignore at best as there is no offer of ‘real’ support. The glass half full statement is one that often makes me withdraw as it is often well intentioned but thoughtless.

  • I think people should not rely on others so much, knowing that majority of people have good intentions but might not know the best ways to show them or are overwhelmed themselves. Life can be cruel and hard, everyone goes through tough times, try not to be too hard on yourself, talk to God about it and don’t expect much from others or blame them when they don’t really pay attention. When you expect much, that’s when you get hurt and disappointed.

    Adaobi Subscriber
  • This is how I tend to treat life, however I regard myself as being emotionally retarded and keeping my emotions under lock and key – not letting them out to get in the way of real life and being able to cope. It means I can cope but I thought more current thinking was to be able to talk about emotions and share them?

    Carole Subscriber
  • those types of advice just compound my feelings of being a failure

    Jill Subscriber
  • Often these kinds of offers are from people that have read books, not people who have been through real situations and/or are under pressure themselves. You want someone to be compassionate and not patronising but to really focus on you like you are worth the time to help. Only then does it feel possible to open up and start to talk about the real issues. The difficulty comes when you are not listened to or supported when you do try to reach out.
    There are people out there who are kind and genuinely want to help and will give the time, you just have to find them.

    Yarni Subscriber
  • it doesn’t feel like the issues I have are being listened to or acknowledge – advice is either avoid difficult things or think positive whatever is happening – not possible not going to work

    Sian Subscriber
  • That type of advice makes me close down and not want to share – I feel it belittles my feelings. I am well aware that other people ‘have it worse’ but in the moment, it is my own worst.

    Linda Subscriber
  • I give myself the above advice all the time but would not appreciate it from the lips of anyone else 🙂

    julia Subscriber
  • do I post my answers to the questions here?

    Helen Subscriber
    • Hi HelenTheOT. Please do feel free to share your thoughts, experiences and ideas with others in the reply spaces. We’d value your thoughts.

      Jason Administrator

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